Usually after I have had a big break from this blogging thing I start off by apologising for my slackness yadda yadda yadda but today i am not going to do that; A - cos I Have a very good reason (the birth of my beautiful baby girl) and B - if you haven't figured out by now I am slack at updates then you are as slow as that retard Gilbert Grape.
So yeah, I was actually logging on to say my final goodbyes and explain that now I am a Dad I dont have time for this cyberspace diary however once I got to typing I felt that old rush of excitement and have now decided I will keep this going for as long as I can. Sure the updates might not be as regular but they will still be there so rejoice my people, rejoice, your reason for living will remain.
With that I am wrapping this up, I dont have anything to say. Shit, as of two minutes ago I was writing a Eulogy.
Take care, look after your Mothers and know my daughter is the most gorgeous baby in the world, EVER!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Hey bro, check out my dance. BRO! Oi Bro, check this out! Oi, look at me fuck face!!!!
What a boomer, another good old day in New Zealand, or as those of native decent may say, Aotearoa.
So yesterday was the due date for the heir to my North Shore kingdom’s arrival date however I think things must be too good inside Mum’s stomach as Baby isn’t quite ready to come out and join the world yet. In saying that they do say most women of European heritage run a little overdue with their first born so it is all just a waiting game. This game however means I am still getting up each day and heading into work with my cell phone in hand ready to make a run for the door as soon as I get the word.
I must admit though my saving grace is that work has been pretty busy for the last few weeks with end of year exhibitions and Graduation coming up so I have not had a lot of downtime. On the flip side I am pretty sure Mere is ready for Baby to make his/her grand entrance into the world because lets be honest there is only so much Oprah and Dr. Phil you can watch. Although in saying that, this week on Dr. Phil he is working with some crack addicted prostitute sisters who are trying to turn their lives around and no longer suck wang for blow money, no pun intended.
Speaking of sucking wang, how about that Australian league team. What a punch of whinging bastards. They lose the world cup final to the Kiwis and then run around crying about how the refs, the administrators and everyone involved in running the tournament plotted against them. Suck it up ladies, you can have a shot at winning it back in 5 years or so.
Unfortunately it is not just the Aussie league players who have proven that professional sports nowadays is full of prima donnas. Of course we all know that soccer players world wide love to act it up, have a cry and try to get their mate to sympathetically cup their balls but over the last few weeks I have noticed the mighty All Blacks have been in the news having a cry about irrelevant shit.
There was once a time when rugby players, be any level of competition, were hard nosed buggers who just got on with it. Now, you would be hard pressed to find a team that doesn’t have at least one pretty boy who puts product in his hair before a game and probably showers in his silky Calvin Klein boxers instead of letting it all hang out whilst having a can of Double Brown in the locker room. Then you have got that fucktard Nonu who wore fuckin’ eyeliner in a game. What the hell was all that about, dude should have been dropped from the team for even thinking of such a thing. And now we have to listen to the All Black management having a blubber over the fact that some of the opposition aren’t respecting the haka. Harden the fuck up. If they don’t want to watch a traditional Maori war dance done by a few Maoris, even more Pacific Islanders and the odd token white guy they don’t have to. Here’s an idea, do the haka then get on with the game and don’t worry about who watched it or not. It is a test match build up, not New Zealand’s got talent.
With that off my chest I can progress with this narrative.
On Tuesday I was on my way to drop off some drinks for an exhibition and swung by my old work to have a quick cup of tea with my friend Josie. Seems a pretty normal thing to do and in most cases it is however I do admit whenever I go there I am always aware there is a distinct possibility I may bump into my old boss. Anyone who spent more than 3 minutes with me during my time of employment here will know that my feelings towards this woman’s ability to run a team were not favourable. In fact, truth be told I am surprised she can get her limbs to work in unison half the time. Anyhow, as my luck would have it just as I was leaving I walked around the corner to see her standing there. Then there was that weird awkward silence, you know the one, it is like when you are getting a little action with some bird you have just met and you accidentally call her Bruce or something. So yeah there was that silence, some bullshit small talk and then we both moved quickly and quietly to our nearest exit.
It was like when your dating a girl who isn’t all there but she’s hot so you just stick it out, then she lets herself go and you are left with some insane chick who repulses you, I know that’s a bit harsh but you get the idea. Anyway so you flick her off and life goes back to normal. Then one night you are out drinking with the boys trying to pull a new piece of tail and you bump into her and she looks hot. Now for a split second you think you may have been a bit hasty in getting rid of her but then you remember all the crazy late night phone calls, unexplainable breakdowns and missing ice cream and you pat yourself on the back for making the right choice. Then there is that awkward silence and you return to mates.
So yeah, I am not saying my old boss was looking good, or I was tempted to try and get my job back, all I am saying is those awkward silences pop up a hell of a lot in my life and the more you live with them, the easier they get.
Well I have rambled enough for one day, I don’t even know what I started writing about and I am pretty sure this reads relatively incoherently so I am going to leave it there. Till next time, where I promise I will try and piece together a more betterer written piece of prose, take care.
So yesterday was the due date for the heir to my North Shore kingdom’s arrival date however I think things must be too good inside Mum’s stomach as Baby isn’t quite ready to come out and join the world yet. In saying that they do say most women of European heritage run a little overdue with their first born so it is all just a waiting game. This game however means I am still getting up each day and heading into work with my cell phone in hand ready to make a run for the door as soon as I get the word.
I must admit though my saving grace is that work has been pretty busy for the last few weeks with end of year exhibitions and Graduation coming up so I have not had a lot of downtime. On the flip side I am pretty sure Mere is ready for Baby to make his/her grand entrance into the world because lets be honest there is only so much Oprah and Dr. Phil you can watch. Although in saying that, this week on Dr. Phil he is working with some crack addicted prostitute sisters who are trying to turn their lives around and no longer suck wang for blow money, no pun intended.
Speaking of sucking wang, how about that Australian league team. What a punch of whinging bastards. They lose the world cup final to the Kiwis and then run around crying about how the refs, the administrators and everyone involved in running the tournament plotted against them. Suck it up ladies, you can have a shot at winning it back in 5 years or so.
Unfortunately it is not just the Aussie league players who have proven that professional sports nowadays is full of prima donnas. Of course we all know that soccer players world wide love to act it up, have a cry and try to get their mate to sympathetically cup their balls but over the last few weeks I have noticed the mighty All Blacks have been in the news having a cry about irrelevant shit.
There was once a time when rugby players, be any level of competition, were hard nosed buggers who just got on with it. Now, you would be hard pressed to find a team that doesn’t have at least one pretty boy who puts product in his hair before a game and probably showers in his silky Calvin Klein boxers instead of letting it all hang out whilst having a can of Double Brown in the locker room. Then you have got that fucktard Nonu who wore fuckin’ eyeliner in a game. What the hell was all that about, dude should have been dropped from the team for even thinking of such a thing. And now we have to listen to the All Black management having a blubber over the fact that some of the opposition aren’t respecting the haka. Harden the fuck up. If they don’t want to watch a traditional Maori war dance done by a few Maoris, even more Pacific Islanders and the odd token white guy they don’t have to. Here’s an idea, do the haka then get on with the game and don’t worry about who watched it or not. It is a test match build up, not New Zealand’s got talent.
With that off my chest I can progress with this narrative.
On Tuesday I was on my way to drop off some drinks for an exhibition and swung by my old work to have a quick cup of tea with my friend Josie. Seems a pretty normal thing to do and in most cases it is however I do admit whenever I go there I am always aware there is a distinct possibility I may bump into my old boss. Anyone who spent more than 3 minutes with me during my time of employment here will know that my feelings towards this woman’s ability to run a team were not favourable. In fact, truth be told I am surprised she can get her limbs to work in unison half the time. Anyhow, as my luck would have it just as I was leaving I walked around the corner to see her standing there. Then there was that weird awkward silence, you know the one, it is like when you are getting a little action with some bird you have just met and you accidentally call her Bruce or something. So yeah there was that silence, some bullshit small talk and then we both moved quickly and quietly to our nearest exit.
It was like when your dating a girl who isn’t all there but she’s hot so you just stick it out, then she lets herself go and you are left with some insane chick who repulses you, I know that’s a bit harsh but you get the idea. Anyway so you flick her off and life goes back to normal. Then one night you are out drinking with the boys trying to pull a new piece of tail and you bump into her and she looks hot. Now for a split second you think you may have been a bit hasty in getting rid of her but then you remember all the crazy late night phone calls, unexplainable breakdowns and missing ice cream and you pat yourself on the back for making the right choice. Then there is that awkward silence and you return to mates.
So yeah, I am not saying my old boss was looking good, or I was tempted to try and get my job back, all I am saying is those awkward silences pop up a hell of a lot in my life and the more you live with them, the easier they get.
Well I have rambled enough for one day, I don’t even know what I started writing about and I am pretty sure this reads relatively incoherently so I am going to leave it there. Till next time, where I promise I will try and piece together a more betterer written piece of prose, take care.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Wooooo wooo woo sweet child of mine
I have no idea what has happened to our summer but all of a sudden the weather has packed in and once again I am looking out my window at another gloomy and depressing day. But hey, this is Auckland so it is likely to turn into another BBQ seducing day later on.
Enough about the weather, I have more important things to ramble about, namely, myself. I enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic candle lit dinners sipping on a fine wine surrounded by the beauty of nature and a fine woman. Well the fine woman part is true but as for the rest it is more like I enjoy sitting on the couch playing Xbox with my wife, AKA the fine woman, and drinking the cheapest beer they had on sale at Foodtown. Either way I consider myself a good dude and a top catch.
So yeah, another working week, another few dollars to pay the rent, bills and buy some food has just begun and still no sign of the heir to my throne. This being said we haven’t quite reached the due date yet so I am on full alert and ready to take on my supportive role any time now.
With baby so close my weekend didn’t really consist of a lot of rawkus behaviour, truth by told it was very civilised (see above - long walks on the beach etc). It also consisted of some screen printing, some shopping and general house chores.
Amongst all of the above madness, I also got a chance to check out the new Guns N Roses album, ‘Chinese Democracy’. After 17 odd years and however many million dollars I was expecting Axl to pull something out of the bag and silence all the naysayers, unfortunately all my ears were greeted with was an extremely over produced album complete with way too many effects and not enough of the good old G’N’R grunt. Granted there was the odd occasion that I could sense some of the old power coming through but those moments were fleeting and few and far between.
Despite ‘Chinese Democracy’ not coming close to the epic mark set by classics such as ‘Appetite For Destruction’ of ‘Use Your Illusion 1 & 2’ it does serve as a brilliant segway into my next topic.
On Sunday night we went to a BBQ at our friend Danielle’s place. Now Danielle has just come back from a family wedding on Australia’s Gold Coast and whilst at this wedding she got herself a little bit of loving with a South African guy that we have named Yarnie, whose family run some sort of circus/carnival in Europe therefore making him the product of gypsies. Anyway, back to my Guns N Roses segway, over dinner Danielle’s sister informed us that at one point during the night the dance floor cleared and all that was left was Danielle and Yarnie making out in front of everyone as the DJ cranked ‘November Rain’. Just think about it for a second, Danielle, who is a self proclaimed westie, making out with some random guy in front of her entire family while Guns N Roses’ ‘November Rain’ played. You don’t get much more romantic than that.
This picture perfect account of young love got me thinking what other songs would be fantastic dance floor make out tracks and pretty soon the list was getting out of hand so here are just a few…
Dr. Dre – ‘Bitches Aint Shit’
“Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on deez nutz and suck the dick
Get's the fuck out after you're done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run”
With this passionate refrain how could it not be a make out classic
Color Me Badd – ‘I Want To Sex You Up’
“Girl you make me feel good
We can do it ‘till we both wake up”
This song is seduction 101. In fact I sung the chorus of this song to my standard four girlfriend down the phone only to find out her friend was listening. Unfortunately my life is not a porno and this dod not result in a threesome.
Dr Hook – ‘I Wanna Kiss You All Over’
Who doesn’t know this song. Close your eyes and imagine it playing at some dingy club or school hall with all your family sitting around as you make out with your new lover in front of them all. Ahhhhhhhh.
Rage Against the Machine – ‘Bulls on Parade’
Might seem like a funny call here but there are some people who like a bit of oomph in their make out sessions so this one is for them.
Sir Mix-A-Lot – ‘Baby Got Back’
No explanation needed here, this one is pretty self explanatory.
Billy Ray Cyrus – ‘Achey Breaky Heart’
Who doesn’t know this song. You could stand on any dance floor around the world as your new friend runs her hands through your mullet and you feel her caboose in her tight denim skirt as Billy Ray wails in the background.
Ricky Martin – ‘She Bangs’
If you ever find yourself making out to this track it is like a contract. This girl must now go home with you and have sex. There are no two ways about it, making out to ‘She Bangs’ is a legal contract for sex, just like flicking a hooker fifty bucks, she has to do it
C+C Music Factory - ‘Things That Make You Go Hmmmm’
Now unlike ‘She Bangs’ this is not a song you want to hear whilst making out. This is the DJ’s subtle way of telling you that you should get pull out before it is too late. It is not because you are making out with a swamp donkey but because the girl may be packing something extra down below. And like the $50 hooker once you get it going you have to follow through.
Bloodhound Gang – ‘Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
I think any Bloodhound Gang song would be great for dance floor hook ups but the cream of the crop, excuse the pun, has to be ‘Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Come on who wouldn’t want to be making out and hear Jimmy Pop’s sweet voice singing
“Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten
Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston
Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle
Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple”
As you can see this list could go on and on but I don’t think I could truly do it justice without mentioning at least one more classic make out song - The Hokey Pokey. How complete would your life be to make out to some dude telling you to put this here or there and shake it all about.
Well this has gone on for far too long now and I had better get to work but take care and until next time remember if it looks like shit, smells like shit and tastes lie shit , it is probably a product of West Auckland.
Enough about the weather, I have more important things to ramble about, namely, myself. I enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic candle lit dinners sipping on a fine wine surrounded by the beauty of nature and a fine woman. Well the fine woman part is true but as for the rest it is more like I enjoy sitting on the couch playing Xbox with my wife, AKA the fine woman, and drinking the cheapest beer they had on sale at Foodtown. Either way I consider myself a good dude and a top catch.
So yeah, another working week, another few dollars to pay the rent, bills and buy some food has just begun and still no sign of the heir to my throne. This being said we haven’t quite reached the due date yet so I am on full alert and ready to take on my supportive role any time now.
With baby so close my weekend didn’t really consist of a lot of rawkus behaviour, truth by told it was very civilised (see above - long walks on the beach etc). It also consisted of some screen printing, some shopping and general house chores.
Amongst all of the above madness, I also got a chance to check out the new Guns N Roses album, ‘Chinese Democracy’. After 17 odd years and however many million dollars I was expecting Axl to pull something out of the bag and silence all the naysayers, unfortunately all my ears were greeted with was an extremely over produced album complete with way too many effects and not enough of the good old G’N’R grunt. Granted there was the odd occasion that I could sense some of the old power coming through but those moments were fleeting and few and far between.
Despite ‘Chinese Democracy’ not coming close to the epic mark set by classics such as ‘Appetite For Destruction’ of ‘Use Your Illusion 1 & 2’ it does serve as a brilliant segway into my next topic.
On Sunday night we went to a BBQ at our friend Danielle’s place. Now Danielle has just come back from a family wedding on Australia’s Gold Coast and whilst at this wedding she got herself a little bit of loving with a South African guy that we have named Yarnie, whose family run some sort of circus/carnival in Europe therefore making him the product of gypsies. Anyway, back to my Guns N Roses segway, over dinner Danielle’s sister informed us that at one point during the night the dance floor cleared and all that was left was Danielle and Yarnie making out in front of everyone as the DJ cranked ‘November Rain’. Just think about it for a second, Danielle, who is a self proclaimed westie, making out with some random guy in front of her entire family while Guns N Roses’ ‘November Rain’ played. You don’t get much more romantic than that.
This picture perfect account of young love got me thinking what other songs would be fantastic dance floor make out tracks and pretty soon the list was getting out of hand so here are just a few…
Dr. Dre – ‘Bitches Aint Shit’
“Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on deez nutz and suck the dick
Get's the fuck out after you're done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run”
With this passionate refrain how could it not be a make out classic
Color Me Badd – ‘I Want To Sex You Up’
“Girl you make me feel good
We can do it ‘till we both wake up”
This song is seduction 101. In fact I sung the chorus of this song to my standard four girlfriend down the phone only to find out her friend was listening. Unfortunately my life is not a porno and this dod not result in a threesome.
Dr Hook – ‘I Wanna Kiss You All Over’
Who doesn’t know this song. Close your eyes and imagine it playing at some dingy club or school hall with all your family sitting around as you make out with your new lover in front of them all. Ahhhhhhhh.
Rage Against the Machine – ‘Bulls on Parade’
Might seem like a funny call here but there are some people who like a bit of oomph in their make out sessions so this one is for them.
Sir Mix-A-Lot – ‘Baby Got Back’
No explanation needed here, this one is pretty self explanatory.
Billy Ray Cyrus – ‘Achey Breaky Heart’
Who doesn’t know this song. You could stand on any dance floor around the world as your new friend runs her hands through your mullet and you feel her caboose in her tight denim skirt as Billy Ray wails in the background.
Ricky Martin – ‘She Bangs’
If you ever find yourself making out to this track it is like a contract. This girl must now go home with you and have sex. There are no two ways about it, making out to ‘She Bangs’ is a legal contract for sex, just like flicking a hooker fifty bucks, she has to do it
C+C Music Factory - ‘Things That Make You Go Hmmmm’
Now unlike ‘She Bangs’ this is not a song you want to hear whilst making out. This is the DJ’s subtle way of telling you that you should get pull out before it is too late. It is not because you are making out with a swamp donkey but because the girl may be packing something extra down below. And like the $50 hooker once you get it going you have to follow through.
Bloodhound Gang – ‘Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
I think any Bloodhound Gang song would be great for dance floor hook ups but the cream of the crop, excuse the pun, has to be ‘Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo. Come on who wouldn’t want to be making out and hear Jimmy Pop’s sweet voice singing
“Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten
Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston
Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle
Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple”
As you can see this list could go on and on but I don’t think I could truly do it justice without mentioning at least one more classic make out song - The Hokey Pokey. How complete would your life be to make out to some dude telling you to put this here or there and shake it all about.
Well this has gone on for far too long now and I had better get to work but take care and until next time remember if it looks like shit, smells like shit and tastes lie shit , it is probably a product of West Auckland.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Tsst, bro you got a lighter. Go. Stop. Ah crap, I fucked up again
Thank God it is Friday.!!! This has been one of those weeks. You know the ones, they just seem to drag on forever and even though you manage to achieve a whole bunch of crap, you still feel as though over the last five days you have been as productive as a Whangarei roading crew.
On the subject of roading crews, do you think you graduate from hole digger to lollypop guy to spade holder to smoking guy? Or is it just a matter of the toughest and ugliest bastards telling the weaker, less ugly guys to do their work? I guess that is how it worked in more archaic times and things still got done, hell they probably got done in a more efficient manner than nowadays. Maybe more work places should be run like this. That way the annoying little I.T. guys who monitor all your emails, look at your personal files and have the personality of a cracked out whore would be put in their place instead of strutting around like almighty computer Gods. Hell, I think the imperialist cultures of the past had the right idea until some jacked up PC wanker had to come and ruin it for all mankind.
Anyways, yeah, Friday, good times.
This weekend is going to be a good one. I don't have a lot of concrete plans as most things right now revolve around the pregnant side of the family. Maybe I will get into my skimpiest jean shorts and wash our new family wagon that we brought this week, I might try and get some more shirts printed and who knows we may even top it all off by adding a member to our family. Either way I am keen on the upcoming two days.
Shit this is a short one but hey my brain is going in a million different directions right now so before I end up spouting on about some irrelevant nonsense and sounding like Helen Clark trying to explain her policies I am going to call it a wrap.
Till next time don't forget me
On the subject of roading crews, do you think you graduate from hole digger to lollypop guy to spade holder to smoking guy? Or is it just a matter of the toughest and ugliest bastards telling the weaker, less ugly guys to do their work? I guess that is how it worked in more archaic times and things still got done, hell they probably got done in a more efficient manner than nowadays. Maybe more work places should be run like this. That way the annoying little I.T. guys who monitor all your emails, look at your personal files and have the personality of a cracked out whore would be put in their place instead of strutting around like almighty computer Gods. Hell, I think the imperialist cultures of the past had the right idea until some jacked up PC wanker had to come and ruin it for all mankind.
Anyways, yeah, Friday, good times.
This weekend is going to be a good one. I don't have a lot of concrete plans as most things right now revolve around the pregnant side of the family. Maybe I will get into my skimpiest jean shorts and wash our new family wagon that we brought this week, I might try and get some more shirts printed and who knows we may even top it all off by adding a member to our family. Either way I am keen on the upcoming two days.
Shit this is a short one but hey my brain is going in a million different directions right now so before I end up spouting on about some irrelevant nonsense and sounding like Helen Clark trying to explain her policies I am going to call it a wrap.
Till next time don't forget me
Monday, November 17, 2008
So each night I like to kick back in my undies and unwind with a little me time
A whole nother week has flown by and once again I have not updated this blogging thing. Who would have known Internet property management was this much effort. I was kind of hoping to post a few blogs, create a bit of Internet hype and have online groupies throwing themselves at me and sending through dirty pictures of themselves. however, the reality is I think the only person who ever reads this literary genius is Salty and he no doubt reads it lying in bed in his Y-fronts, not really the kind of groupie I was going for but hey beggars cant be choosers.
Aside from work, home is good. Baby is coming along nicely and I am expecting to upgrade to Fatherhood anytime in the next week or so. Unfortunately this upgrade doesn't come with a free company car so we have had to go out and buy a new one that is more economical and will hold the numerous baby accessories we will be travelling with. Yes, gone are my days of cruising around listening to boom boom music is my little red convertible, now is the dawn of the sensible family station wagon. Still this is a good thing as I don't want to be like the dipshit who cut me off the other day; middle aged, blonde fluffy skullet (you know the ones, long at the back, short up the front and bald in the middle) and driving a Porsche in a feeble attempt to cling onto his youth and pull some young piece of ass in which he probably couldn't do anything with anyway cos his old tallywhacker is so broken from years of abuse at an all boys boarding school.
BBQ's - This weekend was a boomer. Not only was it as hot and sticky as a hookers g-string it was sunny as hell too and that meant BBQ time. There is nothing better than standing round a flaming metal grill, frying dead animals and drinking beer.
The Gaslight Anthem/The Lawrence Arms - Easily the 2 greatest bands ever. The only reason I ever stop listening to one of them is to listen to the other. This is good times music.
My wife - She has been pretty damn amazing throughout the whole pregnancy. There has hardly been any whinging or moaning and I am yet to have to do one midnight run to Burger King to satisfy her cravings.
Madden '06 on XBox - I can't stop playing this game. Sports games are the greatest cos every single time you play they are different and the brilliance of Madden is the pinnacle of sports gaming.
Screenprinting - Watch out cos I am about to rule the world with this.
Anyways, the list could, and probably should go on and on, but I have work to do
Peace
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Not all bacon is good for you
Holy heck in hell, it has been over a week since I updated this page with some of my literary genius and good time stories. Well I apologise, but I dont really feel sorry. it is one of those fake apologises that gets you out of trouble but the truth is you dont really care too much. You know the ones, like when you are standing in a crowded bar or something and as you walk past some hot girl you accidentally brush her butt or boobs, of course you apologise but inside you are racking up another few titty cricket runs.
Anyways, with my lack of updates you may think that I have been extremely busy and to some extent this is true but the real truth is I have just been too damn lazy to write anything. This is probably a good thing because between starting work at the crack of dawn, trying to lose some winter fat and creating my t-shirt empire my brain hasn't been able to function.
So yeah, life is good, Baby is coming along well and it could be any day now we have been told, any day now or four week away. Baby is locked and loaded.
Before I wrap this up, yeah I know this is a short post but hey a short one is better than nothing, insert joke here about a small wanger, I have noticed a lot of things pissing me off lately. I dont know if it is just that I am tired all the time but little shit is really bugging me so in an attempt to release my rage valve I am going to list some of the things and hope by sharing them with you it will transfer my hate of them to you.
- Emo Kids. For fucks sake I dont care about your hair, I dont care about your fucking horrible taste in music and if I see anymore of you hugging and acting 'alternative and wacky' I am going to cut your fucking heads off.
- The Edge. Not that i listen to this radio station but I have to see their crappy adverts and that is enough to enrage me.
- Helen Clark. Seriously, every time I hear this man/woman talk I cringe. Not only does she spit and slur like a drunken hobo but she does that annoying laughing thing whenever she is called on anything.
- Ellen Degeneres. So I had the displeasure of seeing her talk show when I was at home the other week. If I wanted to see some middle aged dyke dancing around I would head down to Showgirls, at least I could get a buzz on there making it more bearable.
- Drivers who can't merge. Like a zip motherfuckers! Like a zip!
- Kevin Bacon. Dude should have just given up after Footloose. Would have been better to go out on top Kevin.
Right that will do for now as I dont want to get to worked up but this list will be continued.
Anyways, with my lack of updates you may think that I have been extremely busy and to some extent this is true but the real truth is I have just been too damn lazy to write anything. This is probably a good thing because between starting work at the crack of dawn, trying to lose some winter fat and creating my t-shirt empire my brain hasn't been able to function.
So yeah, life is good, Baby is coming along well and it could be any day now we have been told, any day now or four week away. Baby is locked and loaded.
Before I wrap this up, yeah I know this is a short post but hey a short one is better than nothing, insert joke here about a small wanger, I have noticed a lot of things pissing me off lately. I dont know if it is just that I am tired all the time but little shit is really bugging me so in an attempt to release my rage valve I am going to list some of the things and hope by sharing them with you it will transfer my hate of them to you.
- Emo Kids. For fucks sake I dont care about your hair, I dont care about your fucking horrible taste in music and if I see anymore of you hugging and acting 'alternative and wacky' I am going to cut your fucking heads off.
- The Edge. Not that i listen to this radio station but I have to see their crappy adverts and that is enough to enrage me.
- Helen Clark. Seriously, every time I hear this man/woman talk I cringe. Not only does she spit and slur like a drunken hobo but she does that annoying laughing thing whenever she is called on anything.
- Ellen Degeneres. So I had the displeasure of seeing her talk show when I was at home the other week. If I wanted to see some middle aged dyke dancing around I would head down to Showgirls, at least I could get a buzz on there making it more bearable.
- Drivers who can't merge. Like a zip motherfuckers! Like a zip!
- Kevin Bacon. Dude should have just given up after Footloose. Would have been better to go out on top Kevin.
Right that will do for now as I dont want to get to worked up but this list will be continued.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Do you guys sell those jandals that make you look cool?
This Auckland weather is really starting to drive me nuts, one day it is an absolute stunner and I really believe that summer is here for good and then the next it is raining. Either which way I have mentally switched into summer mode in which I BBQ as many nights as I can. You could say it a huge switch for me to make but hell I am not going to be one of those dirty jandal wearing folk who as soon as the sun come out slap on their plastic feet g-strings and walk around like they are Magnum PI.
Jandals are not right and the sooner you people realise this the better!! They make your feet look ridiculous, can give you some messed up sunburn and as for practicality, they have absolutely none.
I was trying to think of a way to segway from jandals into Halloween, but I couldn't think of anything witty enough so i am just going to go for the lack of segway being my segway.
So yeah, Halloween was Friday night. It has never been a big deal here in New Zealand, mostly it is just a few of the local neighbourhood kids dressed up and trick or treating predominantly on their own street however there are always a couple of retarded 15/16 year old girls who put on some devil horns and a my chemical romance t-shirt and think trick or treating is cool and by doing it in their teenage years they are crazy. News flash, you are neither cool or crazy, you are in fact a freakin dipshit who has no doubt embarrassed their parents so much they wish you would go and join 'the black parade' with your gang of rebellious emo kids.
Speaking of emo kids, when the hell will this trend die? I mean every generation has had something that defines them, be it free love and excessive drug use, hypercolour t-shirts and white rappers or plaid tee shirts and coked out musicians. But come on, what generation wants to be defined by music written by some whinging little bitch boy who is crying over the fact his 14-year-old girlfriend who wont touch his nuts cos she thinks they are icky. Also have some foresight kids, in ten years time do you really want to look back at yourself and see pictures of you in your sisters jeans? Come on.
Moving on, today is the election in USA, good Lord I hope Barack Obama wins. Sure it will be history making with all the fanfare around him being the first black president but there is also another reason that the media seem to have overlooked, he will have the biggest penis out of all the presidents in history, now that, my brothers, is something to be proud of.
I have got a busy day so I am going to wrap this up before I end up spending a good chunk of my day writing general dribble instead of working on the reports in front of me. However before I go a quick update on baby; all is going super smooth, Baby is locked and loaded and we have been told it is merely a waiting game now.
Peace!
Jandals are not right and the sooner you people realise this the better!! They make your feet look ridiculous, can give you some messed up sunburn and as for practicality, they have absolutely none.
I was trying to think of a way to segway from jandals into Halloween, but I couldn't think of anything witty enough so i am just going to go for the lack of segway being my segway.
So yeah, Halloween was Friday night. It has never been a big deal here in New Zealand, mostly it is just a few of the local neighbourhood kids dressed up and trick or treating predominantly on their own street however there are always a couple of retarded 15/16 year old girls who put on some devil horns and a my chemical romance t-shirt and think trick or treating is cool and by doing it in their teenage years they are crazy. News flash, you are neither cool or crazy, you are in fact a freakin dipshit who has no doubt embarrassed their parents so much they wish you would go and join 'the black parade' with your gang of rebellious emo kids.
Speaking of emo kids, when the hell will this trend die? I mean every generation has had something that defines them, be it free love and excessive drug use, hypercolour t-shirts and white rappers or plaid tee shirts and coked out musicians. But come on, what generation wants to be defined by music written by some whinging little bitch boy who is crying over the fact his 14-year-old girlfriend who wont touch his nuts cos she thinks they are icky. Also have some foresight kids, in ten years time do you really want to look back at yourself and see pictures of you in your sisters jeans? Come on.
Moving on, today is the election in USA, good Lord I hope Barack Obama wins. Sure it will be history making with all the fanfare around him being the first black president but there is also another reason that the media seem to have overlooked, he will have the biggest penis out of all the presidents in history, now that, my brothers, is something to be proud of.
I have got a busy day so I am going to wrap this up before I end up spending a good chunk of my day writing general dribble instead of working on the reports in front of me. However before I go a quick update on baby; all is going super smooth, Baby is locked and loaded and we have been told it is merely a waiting game now.
Peace!
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