So time for an update on the whole 'Hey I got Baby, wanna see my tally whacker' thing...It works. I swear as I walked around the mall I had ladies giving me the eye and the odd little comment that I couldn't her but pretty sure it was along the lines of 'Damn I would so do that guy'. Also to clarify it wasn't just old birds doing this, although lets say if I were a granny chaser I would be someones Grand Pop by now, but it was young girls too. So after my extremely scientific testing, and science was the only reason I did this, I can without a doubt a baby will make you more attractive to the opposite sex.
Of course, a baby is not something everyone can get their hands on at the drop of hat, unless you count kidnappers, so I have researched and found an alternative, a puppy. Granted this secondary option is not as good as a baby but it should still help you achieve the desired result, unless you are a really ugly bastard. And the great thing about a puppy is that when it gets bigger and is no longer attracting the ladies you can just take it back to the shop and swap it for a newer model. This is an option I have been told is not available with babies.
So there you go, the Professor has proven that without a doubt babies will make you more attractive to females. However in concluding let me point out this option may not work around the other way as some guys will head for the hills if it is single Mum, unless...she has great boobs.
And with that I am out of here to go watch Sunday night TV and remember if you have any questions you need answered I am your man.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Dad's Day off
You know what rules...today. Yep, today rules, it is a sunny Friday and I am not at work. I didn't even need to come up with a lame excuse like a gerbil got stuck up my ass when the wife and I were trying a few new bedroom games. All I had to say was the truth. Cupcakes need to be made and a baby needs to be looked after and since I cant make cupcakes I am on baby duty.
That said this baby thing is easy, for the last hour she has been sleeping and not a sound has been made. No wonder Mere fought so hard to make sure she was the stay at home one parent. Anyways, I have moved on and am resigned to my role as the bacon bringer homer.
So yeah, day off, awesome stuff. I woke up around 8 and had a lie in bed with my baby before getting up and doing some exercise, came in had a coffee and now here I am explaining to you the joys of my life. For the rest of the day I think I will take bubs to go see Nana and Grandad and as it is just me and her today we will also head to the mall so I can go to the bank and see what sort of ladies I can attract with her. Maybe I will use the story of her Mum abandoning us to chase some small time drug dealer down to Gore or something.
Well I think the little one is stirring so I am going to cut this short and go get her dressed into the cutiest shop worker enticing outfit she has. Will report my results back tomorrow.
x
That said this baby thing is easy, for the last hour she has been sleeping and not a sound has been made. No wonder Mere fought so hard to make sure she was the stay at home one parent. Anyways, I have moved on and am resigned to my role as the bacon bringer homer.
So yeah, day off, awesome stuff. I woke up around 8 and had a lie in bed with my baby before getting up and doing some exercise, came in had a coffee and now here I am explaining to you the joys of my life. For the rest of the day I think I will take bubs to go see Nana and Grandad and as it is just me and her today we will also head to the mall so I can go to the bank and see what sort of ladies I can attract with her. Maybe I will use the story of her Mum abandoning us to chase some small time drug dealer down to Gore or something.
Well I think the little one is stirring so I am going to cut this short and go get her dressed into the cutiest shop worker enticing outfit she has. Will report my results back tomorrow.
x
Friday, January 9, 2009
zzzzzzzz
Have you ever had one of those days where your brain and body just can’t get going? Yeah. Well that is how this week has been for me. Every morning I drag myself out of bed, some how navigate my way to work, sit at my desk like a zombie then autopilot it back home to fall asleep on the couch before calling it a day and heading to bed.
So yeah, that is life right now, I don’t even have the attention span to finish this so bye for now kiddies and expect an inspiring and life changing update to come soon.
xxx
So yeah, that is life right now, I don’t even have the attention span to finish this so bye for now kiddies and expect an inspiring and life changing update to come soon.
xxx
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Fizz, bang, whip it - a new year has begun
So as with every New Year it is a time of reflection and what better way than to compile my very own ‘List of ‘08’.
Enjoy!!!
Best Album
This was a hard one as there were a number of albums I was pumped on being released in 2008 but the winner has to be The Gaslight Anthem – ’59 Sound. It has a kind of folky, rock, Americana and Springsteen vibe which seems to find a place in everyone’s heart.
Honourable mentions have to go to Less Than Jake Have Heart, Verse, Crime in Stereo, H20 and Four Year Strong.
Best Ass
Jessica Alba. I may be a bit late on the bandwagon here but hey better late than never.
Also I think it only fair that new girl on the block Katy Perry gets mentioned here. Sure her voice isn’t too good, if you think different check out her live performance on Rove, but this girl is cute as hell.
2008’s Continued Love Obsession
As with restraining orders, infatuations come and go but some stand the test of time. Lilly Allen and Antonia Prebble jointly take away this award and maybe one day the three of us can all celebrate together, over and over again.
Best Non-Alcoholic Drink
Coffee – my caffine addiction over 2008 has increased to the point I could be considered a java junkie. But hey, if you are going to go down that path coffee aint the worst thing to follow.
Best Alcoholic Drink
Now normally I would have gone beer without second thought and although it is still the number one anytime drink this year I am mixing it up with CC & Dry. That shit is awesome, plus you look far more sophisticated sipping on one of those than you do with a swappa in each hand down the Brownzy.
Best Band
Way too many to pick one but if my balls were in a vice and I had to it would be a tie between the Lawrence Arms and The Gaslight Anthem. Guts guess I just lost my balls to the vice.
Worst Band
There are even more contenders for this than the above. But amongst the shit being churned out by the Pussycat Dolls, MGMT and others there can only be one winner…Metro Station. Words cannot describe how fucked up this band is. Riding on family tie coat tails this band has somehow managed to get a shit load of undeserved coverage and at the same time irritate the hell out of me. I mean these guys make Fall Out Boy look tough. Aside from Santa no-one should be wearing red jeans, no one!!!
Best NZ Television personality
Paul Henry. Love him or hate him this dude delivers. Not only does he slip up and swear at least 5 times a morning on national TV but he doesn’t care who he offends with off centre humour. Also with Pippa Wetzel beside him it was not as if we would be changing the channel on her.
Worst NZ Television personality
Oliver Driver. This 8 foot goon has to be the most annoying son of a bitch to ever grace our screens. I admit I use to think he was OK but after I witnessed his giant tantrums on that show that threw celebs out of their comfort zone I couldn’t stand the guy. Then to make matters worse he somehow scores a role on TV3 breakfast in which he can act like a knob end all he likes. Thank God we have Pippa on the competing channel.
Best Clothing trend
Those Taliban looking scarves that are all the kids are wearing now-a-days. I personally haven’t got one as I don’t think I could pull the urban terrorist look off but gosh don’t those little Bin Laden’s in training look good as they terrorise the local mall
Worst Clothing Trend
I honestly thought it would die but wearing your little sister’s jeans is still cool. Firstly I want to know how some people get those things on and secondly no wonder all the young lads around now are so miserable those jeans would be cutting of the circulation to their happy glands. Granted I have a pair of jeans that may be considered tight however they were not like that when I got them, it is just my ass got larger and now they lie discarded at the bottom of my cupboard.
Best Internet sites
One word - Beersandwichesandparnethood
Best City
Boston – What else did you think I would say? Everyone knows my infatuation with the great city of Boston. Not only does it have a great atmosphere and culture but it also has this innate ability to churn out great bands and champion basketball & baseball teams (and an oh-so-close football team).
Worst City
There are a lot of places that wouldn’t be much fun to be living right now like the Gaza Strip, anywhere in Afghanistan or Mumbai. But I would have to say the winner of worst city 2008 has to go to Whangarei. I don’t mean to nit pick on our great land but Whangarei houses all things fucked about New Zealand – child abuse, alcoholism, unemployment, violence, laziness, the list goes on.
Sex Symbol of 08
M. Street – I dint know what it is about this guy but he radiates sex. Both men and woman want to be with him and from the stories I have heard those who get the opportunity are never left wanting. Mr. Street you are a king amongst men
Best Fast Food
Ahhh Wendy, you little ginger tart, you will always have a place in my heart.
So that about wraps it up for my 2008 list. Bring on 2009!!!
Enjoy!!!
Best Album
This was a hard one as there were a number of albums I was pumped on being released in 2008 but the winner has to be The Gaslight Anthem – ’59 Sound. It has a kind of folky, rock, Americana and Springsteen vibe which seems to find a place in everyone’s heart.
Honourable mentions have to go to Less Than Jake Have Heart, Verse, Crime in Stereo, H20 and Four Year Strong.
Best Ass
Jessica Alba. I may be a bit late on the bandwagon here but hey better late than never.
Also I think it only fair that new girl on the block Katy Perry gets mentioned here. Sure her voice isn’t too good, if you think different check out her live performance on Rove, but this girl is cute as hell.
2008’s Continued Love Obsession
As with restraining orders, infatuations come and go but some stand the test of time. Lilly Allen and Antonia Prebble jointly take away this award and maybe one day the three of us can all celebrate together, over and over again.
Best Non-Alcoholic Drink
Coffee – my caffine addiction over 2008 has increased to the point I could be considered a java junkie. But hey, if you are going to go down that path coffee aint the worst thing to follow.
Best Alcoholic Drink
Now normally I would have gone beer without second thought and although it is still the number one anytime drink this year I am mixing it up with CC & Dry. That shit is awesome, plus you look far more sophisticated sipping on one of those than you do with a swappa in each hand down the Brownzy.
Best Band
Way too many to pick one but if my balls were in a vice and I had to it would be a tie between the Lawrence Arms and The Gaslight Anthem. Guts guess I just lost my balls to the vice.
Worst Band
There are even more contenders for this than the above. But amongst the shit being churned out by the Pussycat Dolls, MGMT and others there can only be one winner…Metro Station. Words cannot describe how fucked up this band is. Riding on family tie coat tails this band has somehow managed to get a shit load of undeserved coverage and at the same time irritate the hell out of me. I mean these guys make Fall Out Boy look tough. Aside from Santa no-one should be wearing red jeans, no one!!!
Best NZ Television personality
Paul Henry. Love him or hate him this dude delivers. Not only does he slip up and swear at least 5 times a morning on national TV but he doesn’t care who he offends with off centre humour. Also with Pippa Wetzel beside him it was not as if we would be changing the channel on her.
Worst NZ Television personality
Oliver Driver. This 8 foot goon has to be the most annoying son of a bitch to ever grace our screens. I admit I use to think he was OK but after I witnessed his giant tantrums on that show that threw celebs out of their comfort zone I couldn’t stand the guy. Then to make matters worse he somehow scores a role on TV3 breakfast in which he can act like a knob end all he likes. Thank God we have Pippa on the competing channel.
Best Clothing trend
Those Taliban looking scarves that are all the kids are wearing now-a-days. I personally haven’t got one as I don’t think I could pull the urban terrorist look off but gosh don’t those little Bin Laden’s in training look good as they terrorise the local mall
Worst Clothing Trend
I honestly thought it would die but wearing your little sister’s jeans is still cool. Firstly I want to know how some people get those things on and secondly no wonder all the young lads around now are so miserable those jeans would be cutting of the circulation to their happy glands. Granted I have a pair of jeans that may be considered tight however they were not like that when I got them, it is just my ass got larger and now they lie discarded at the bottom of my cupboard.
Best Internet sites
One word - Beersandwichesandparnethood
Best City
Boston – What else did you think I would say? Everyone knows my infatuation with the great city of Boston. Not only does it have a great atmosphere and culture but it also has this innate ability to churn out great bands and champion basketball & baseball teams (and an oh-so-close football team).
Worst City
There are a lot of places that wouldn’t be much fun to be living right now like the Gaza Strip, anywhere in Afghanistan or Mumbai. But I would have to say the winner of worst city 2008 has to go to Whangarei. I don’t mean to nit pick on our great land but Whangarei houses all things fucked about New Zealand – child abuse, alcoholism, unemployment, violence, laziness, the list goes on.
Sex Symbol of 08
M. Street – I dint know what it is about this guy but he radiates sex. Both men and woman want to be with him and from the stories I have heard those who get the opportunity are never left wanting. Mr. Street you are a king amongst men
Best Fast Food
Ahhh Wendy, you little ginger tart, you will always have a place in my heart.
So that about wraps it up for my 2008 list. Bring on 2009!!!
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